literature

The Spectrum of Colors

Deviation Actions

LightOverpowers58's avatar
Published:
489 Views

Literature Text

trails of neon green coiled down my spine,
highlighting each ridge and crevice
in too-bright color; the echoing feeling of bliss
creeping to my toes, slow swirls ignorant of time.

navy blue sparks fly, attracted to your skin fleeing from my fingertips
encasing the two of us in tendrils of heated amber,
opposites coalescing; grey moths drawn to flames colored ochre
as your hands grace my body, teal gliding performing faultless flips.

gentle paths of silver wind between our hands,
now joined as our passions meld;
swimming within oceans of lavender, chocolate eyes held
still connected by intertwined emotions, fandango bands.

spools of golden thread unraveling,
our desires sated blushing smooth maroon;
dual murmuring voices, our minds lazy ivory; strewn
about mirroring tracks that satisfied onyx was traveling.
An entry for #Word-Smiths's Colors Contest and #poetry-book's contest.

Written to: Florence + the Machine's "Spectrum".

Feedback is welcome! There are some things I really want comments on about this piece but feel free to comment what you will.

:bulletblue: Are the words used awkward in any areas?

:bulletpurple: Is the imagery too much, or not enough?

:bulletred: Does this piece need a warning attached?

:bulletorange: How is the ending? Does it need to be redone?

:bulletyellow: Does the rhyme scheme help the piece or detract from it?

:bulletgreen: What do you think of this piece as a whole?

Does anyone know how to make text smaller without using subscript? It is a rather large eyesore.
© 2012 - 2024 LightOverpowers58
Comments18
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
jikivigoig's avatar
Amazing imagery. The first line drew me in. Wow.

- I love the wording. However, while this line was one of my favourites, "grey moths drawn to flames colored ochre", I feel flames coloured ochre sounds a little strange. Maybe change it to flame-coloured ochre? Or something else?

- The imagery is as close to perfect as you can get it, in my opinion. That's what makes this piece so remarkable.

- No, I don't think this needs a warning.

- I quite liked the ending; it was soft and slower than the rest of the piece, and the last line was lovely.

- I'm going to honestly say I didn't notice the rhyme scheme. Now that I go back and read it again, I can easily see it. I'm going to say that not noticing the rhyme scheme is probably a good thing, because it means none of your rhymes sound forced or interrupt the flow.

- This piece is beautiful. I don't usually read poems like this but I loved this one.

Also, you can use < font size="1" > to make the text smaller, and end it with < /font >